Living Between a Heritage and a Legacy

The following is my tribute to my mother-in-law, a mom living between her heritage and her legacy. As we celebrate Mother’s Day, I thought that this would be a fitting entry.

You see, my mother-in-law is a woman who has impacted my life in a great way. Over the course of the last 16 years that I have known her, she has taught me much. Over the course of the last couple of years, we have learned much together as we spent many hours caring for Tiffany and simply enjoying life as a family. In the last year, my love and respect for my mother-in-law has grown even more as I have watched her live through a very difficult time of life as she experienced the death of her daughter and her mom within six weeks of each other. Within six weeks her legacy and her heritage came together in Heaven. 

The Heritage that she had in her mother is a rich heritage. Her mother was a kind and gracious woman who passed on to my mother-in-law many of the needed traits she would need to live through the life that God had called her to live. She was faithful to her God, her husband, and her family throughout her life. She was a genteel woman who graciously served her God and her family. It is a Heritage worth emulating and a Heritage that should never be forgotten. 

The Legacy that she has in her daughter is an unfathomable legacy. By that it is one that is hard to understand. Usually your legacy is what you leave behind once you are gone, but Mom’s legacy went ahead to glory first. Although we all make our own decisions, one’s children many times is an indictment upon you. Mom’s legacy, my wife, is an indictment that speaks volumes about my mother-in-law. I got to see up close the impact that Tiffany’s mom had upon her life and how she lived with Cystic Fibrosis. Tiffany’s desire to not quit, to not make excuses, to trust in God, to keep living, to invest in the eternal, to pursue excellence, to love music, to love her husband and her family, and her gracious spirit towards people and life’s difficulties is a legacy to the life of my mother-in-law. It reveals a woman who lived that out in front of Tiffany through it all. Tiffany and I in the last couple years of her life would often laugh about how much she was becoming her mom whether it was how she wrote, spoke, or viewed life. Many fear that their wife may become their mother-in-law--Me, I welcomed it!

So Mom, on this day that you remember your Heritage and your Legacy, know that you have forever changed my life. I am privileged to have walked this way with you. I love you and am thankful that today I can say Happy Mother’s Day as your Heritage and your Legacy are getting to worship our Savior face to face. Although they are not with us today, they are with the King of kings. Your Heritage will never be forgotten and your Legacy will always be loved!

The Blessing of Giving

I know that I still have one more entry in dealing with False Guilt, but it is still not ready for publishing. I wanted to share a blessing though with you.  About a month ago I was able to go into the CF clinic and give them the rest of Tiffany’s meds that we had on hand. What a blessing to hear soon after that they were able to give out some of the drugs to some CFers that could not afford it. You see, the retail price for a month of CF drugs depending on what you are on is usually around 10k a month. These drugs are key to the health of a CFer to keep away infections and to keep the lungs open. What a blessing to know that these important meds are being able to help another person -- it was fun to go to the clinic and give them away.

Today, I also had another one of those blessings. Tiffany had CFRD (CF related diabetes) and had been on insulin for the last two and a half years. About a year and a half ago we were able to get set up with an insulin pump and a continuous glucose management system. All together, I think it was somewhere between 7-10k of equipment and supplies. We were in the process of switching endocrinologist when Tiffany went in to the hospital so we had never had an appointment with her but knew that she worked closely with CF patients. Today I dropped off to their office all of Tiff’s diabetic equipment and supplies so that they could give it to someone who needed it.  What a blessing to hear that they already had someone with CF in mind that needed a pump but could not afford one. The insulin pump gives so much greater control of the diabetes and makes life so much easier -- what a blessing to give!

We must never forget that there is more to life than ourselves and even in the midst of difficulties we need to keep a heart to give. I am confident that the meds and equipment will be a blessing to those who received them, but I also know that I have been greatly blessed by being able to give them away. It is true -- it is more blessed to give than to receive!

Midnight

The below was Tiffany’s second to last journal entry before she passed away, and I shared it with our church family this morning. I think this entry really points to the struggle that one faces with chronic illnesses but also reveals the hope and quiet rest that Tiffany had in God. Sometimes we think that God is only working if He gives us deliverance, but God is at work in our difficult circumstances and gives us His grace, strength, and peace.

“often i find that night time is one of the hardest times for me.  there is something about the stillness, the quietness that brings thoughts and emotions.  last night was a time of some frank discussions with my Lord.

there were some tough questions that He and I talked through....

why did he allow the cf? why was i the one blessed with it?  why couldn’t i just be normal and be able to enjoy a quiet life with my hubby-looking forward to many years together? why were we faced with these tough choices?  why is this sooo hard? why can’t it just be easy? i don’t think i can do this? i don’t want to live life like this?

it was a time of wrestling, of tears, of frustration, even sometimes anger and yet His quiet peace permeated it all.  i don’t have all of the answers and much is still raw, but i know i can rest in His grace-it is sufficient.  this is not out of his control...he is ordering each and every step. There were no new earth shattering revelations-just peace, a peace that it hard to explain-a quiet rest.”

Value of Support

Well, I just finished up counting all the people on Tiffany’s card wall -- it is over 100 different people that have sent a note of encouragement. What a blessing it is to have so many people praying for us and supporting us through this process of Tiffany’s hospitalization. When I think of the support team that we have, I am simply amazed and thankful. We have heard so many comments on Tiffany’s card wall from health care providers who haven’t seen anything like it and let us know that it is unusual to see. For us, the support that we receive from family and friends is invaluable. Here is a basic description of the support that we have received this go around-- 

parents who have come for hospital duty

family and friends who installed new flooring in our house to eliminate more carpet

many who have sent cards and emails

friends from church who hauled away the old carpet from our house

excellent medical support from CF center and hospital

college students who we work with have come and visited and sent notes of encouragement

co-workers who are covering for us while we are out

friends who help out with our dog (and even do the dishes when they just stopped by to feed her)

a church family that prays and supports in whatever way they can (like bringing food to people installing floor)

each other -- as we encourage one another to keep a Biblical perspective and keep trusting in a sovereign God

Thank you so much to all of you who have helped support us.  It allows us to fight the CF, be encouraged, and keep moving forward despite the difficulties.  I would encourage you to lend support to those that you know have a chronic disease or just need encouragement.  You probably have no idea what just a simple note will do after spending another day in the hospital! As Tiffany’s husband, I can’t express how much it means to us. Thank you!