Midnight

The below was Tiffany’s second to last journal entry before she passed away, and I shared it with our church family this morning. I think this entry really points to the struggle that one faces with chronic illnesses but also reveals the hope and quiet rest that Tiffany had in God. Sometimes we think that God is only working if He gives us deliverance, but God is at work in our difficult circumstances and gives us His grace, strength, and peace.

“often i find that night time is one of the hardest times for me.  there is something about the stillness, the quietness that brings thoughts and emotions.  last night was a time of some frank discussions with my Lord.

there were some tough questions that He and I talked through....

why did he allow the cf? why was i the one blessed with it?  why couldn’t i just be normal and be able to enjoy a quiet life with my hubby-looking forward to many years together? why were we faced with these tough choices?  why is this sooo hard? why can’t it just be easy? i don’t think i can do this? i don’t want to live life like this?

it was a time of wrestling, of tears, of frustration, even sometimes anger and yet His quiet peace permeated it all.  i don’t have all of the answers and much is still raw, but i know i can rest in His grace-it is sufficient.  this is not out of his control...he is ordering each and every step. There were no new earth shattering revelations-just peace, a peace that it hard to explain-a quiet rest.”