Friday, March 4, 2011

False Guilt - The Source

The first step in dealing with false guilt is identifying the source of that false guilt -- what is causing the sense of guilt on one’s part. This is important because there is true guilt that needs to be dealt with at times in our own life. By identifying the source or cause of the guilt, we will be able to identify whether it is true or false guilt. True guilt is a result of doing something wrong or sinful that has not been made right or resolved. False guilt is the result of hanging on to something that was not wrong or something that has been resolved. Here are a couple examples of true and false guilt:

False Guilt
  1. Someone else has sinned against me, and I feel shame over it (abuse many times fits in this category)
  2. Regret over past action or lack of actions that cannot be changed or resolved such as did I exercise with my wife enough that may have helped her lungs
  3. Regret over decisions made with less information than I have today such as medical decisions of when to start or stop treatments
  4. Guilt that I could have done more despite the reality of the progressive nature of Cystic Fibrosis
  5. Guilt over something that has been forgiven already such as when you may have sinned against someone but you have asked for forgiveness already
  6. Guilt over letting someone down 
  7. Guilt over being the “cause” of life hardships. Tiffany would sometimes have to deal with these feelings because of the implications that CF brought upon her family and me as her husband -- sometimes she would feel like it wasn’t fair that we would have to endure the CF because of her.
True Guilt
  1. Shame over unconfessed sin against God or others such as deceit, violating trust, etc. . .
  2. Unreconciled offenses such as arguments
  3. Clearly evident bad choices not made right such as ignoring one’s health and not caring  
The source of false guilt is my wrong thinking or feeling that I am responsible for something that I actually am not responsible. True guilt is my shame or guilt over something that I am responsible for and have not properly resolved.  Identifying your source or cause of guilt is very important if you are going to be able to resolve that guilt. My next blog will deal with the result of keeping false guilt in your life and thinking.

2 Response to False Guilt - The Source

March 4, 2011 at 10:45 PM

Your post are sometimes so very difficult for me to get through without tearing up. . . Most of the things you list that you feel whether it's false guilt or true guilt are exactly the things I dreaded putting Bryan through. I love your blog and I feel your pain. I am thankful you have the Gospel and Faith to get help you through all this and help others who find your blog and read it. Thank You.

March 5, 2011 at 9:25 AM

I am betting that Bryan would agree with me though that he is thankful that he gets to go on the journey with you. The fact that he chose to love you and marry you with your CF shows how deep of a love that he has for you -- from my experience, Tiff's CF brought us closer and I am thankful that I got to be with her through it all! thanks for reading!